Late-Night Personalities Target Trump's New 'Gold Card' Immigration Program

Late-night's top comedians used the broadcast mocking ex-President Donald Trump's just unveiled visa initiative, called the "gold card," describing it as a clear pay-for-access system for the affluent.

The Late Show's Witty Take

Kicking off his broadcast, Stephen Colbert delivered a satirical Christmas tune about the president. "He is making a list, checking it twice, and then giving that list to the agents at ICE," he crooned. "Donald Trump ... spoils everything he comes into contact with."

Colbert's target was the new program which enables international nationals to buy U.S. residence for a sum of one million dollars, with a "top-tier" tier for 5 million. An official portal promises approval "with unprecedented speed."

"One thought for you to affluent immigrants: prior to you fork over the cash, what about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He noted that the program is also intended to "get cash" from businesses looking to hire skilled workers, involving large fees. "That's a lot of fees, though if you sign up, you also get a complimentary stay at a hotel of your choosing – provided that it's the a specific Marriott," he continued.

"Unprecedented vetting the government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to ensure these people absolutely are eligible to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "Question one: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Roast

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the visa program the "Get Into America Express Card."

"This is a card that will allow wealthy international individuals to live here," he said. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get official visitor status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your choice."

"Perhaps it's time to revise that message on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your poor masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel teased the simplicity of the application, noting it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"Indeed, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "That's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Grocery Struggles

On another network, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's plunging approval numbers amid economic anxiety. "People gave Donald Trump a another term since they were angry about the economy," he said.

This week, in a attempt to discuss affordability, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a selection of grocery items, and behaved strangely to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a while."

"He is so extremely weird," Meyers reacted. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by targeting right-leaning news arguments of Trump's economic record. "Perhaps rather than complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy like what FIFA did," he joked.